Such Unhappines
by alibradragon
Summary: What if one only had memories to hold onto? What if those memories bought nothing but happiness, laced in pain and despair? What if the memories attacked every night one closed their eyes? Yami x OC; Read for the heck of it!


Nero: I was bored. I can't believe I started writing this at school.

Muses: Kill Time Nero!

Nero: Meh. Whatever.

**Disclaimer**: _I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Never will. But I can still dream! I only own things and people that look like they don't belong. I also don't own Kashii Bukasha._

**Summary**: _What if one only had memories to hold onto? What if those memories bought nothing but happiness, laced in pain and despair? What if the memories attacked every night one closed their eyes; attacking one so bad they woke up holding their chest in pain?_

**Comments**: _I've been trying to write this for the longest…but there were…complications…yes, that's right…, complications! I apologize for it focusing on Kagerou; the first part is mostly focusing on one of the many sessions between Kagerou and her Therapist, whose name won't be revealed until the end of the session. I finally came up with one, but didn't wanna go back and change it. Oo I should Psychiatrist really. But meh. I'm not sure where this story will end, but I'll let you know right now. There isn't a happy ending. Kagerou does not end up with Yami, no matter how much I wanted them to. I wanted to keep the Title called 'Such Unhappiness' for a reason. I'll figure out where to end it…

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**Such Unhappiness**

**By**: _Nero_

**Date Started**: _February 1, 2005

* * *

_

"The memories came back again…" she started, looking at the woman across from her, who was busy writing notes. Her gold eyes closed for a moment before they opened, only to find that her cheeks had become damp with tears.

"What happened this time?" the other woman asked, straightening her glasses for a moment, taking out a tape recorder preparing to record the younger girl's words; she took note of how she would speak about her memories; they would fall from her lips slowly, almost in a trance again. It was true; she was completely trapped in the past, refusing to let go.

She watched as the other girl, shifted for a moment, looking up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to blink away her tears. The elder, mahogany haired, chestnut eyed woman reached over for a tissue and handed it to the other girl. She watched as a pale ivory colored hand reached for it and dabbed at her eyes carelessly; it was a good thing that she wore no makeup.

* * *

**Flashback**

_"Don't run too fast!" his voice called after her. "Kagerou come back, or wait for me!" Kagerou stopped for a moment, laughing while catching her breath, her hands on her knees._

_"Yami," she began. "It's not my fault you can't keep up with me!"_

_Kagerou laughed at that one. "I'm sure Yuugi can however!" she finished. Yami rolled his eyes; he wasn't much for running like that. Kagerou snickered for a moment before playfully pouncing on him, sending them both into the grass below._

_Yami managed to smile at her for a moment before it faded; he had started looking toward the left this time and this caused Kagerou to look as well. There wasn't anyone there, so was he shying away from the other girl? She sat up completely for a moment, removing her hands from his shoulders._

_"Is there…something wrong?" she asked him. Yami turned to look up at her for a moment, blinking slowly._

_"…No," he started slowly. "There's nothing wrong."_

_Kagerou stood up completely, midnight colored hair falling down from her shoulders, blowing freely in the breeze as she offered a hand to him. Yami took, it, standing up completely, his crimson-violet colored eyes looking into her gold ones._

_Kagerou shifted for a moment, a soft pink painting itself on her cheeks._

_"Don't do that!" She whispered to him._

_"There's nothing wrong with you." Yami replied this time, before turning to look up at the clouds. He saw her shift from the corner of his eyes and he paid little attention to her movements afterward._

_"It's getting cold." Yami said next, making Kagerou subconsciously wrap her arms around herself._

_"I know…it should be snowing soon…but that doesn't matter to me. You're here for the moment, and I'm very grateful that you actually sneak away from Sugoroku-san to see me." The female replied, closing her eyes for a moment, as the breeze whipped her hair around her face gently._

_"Well, you've certainly changed, 'Rou-chan," Yami began, turning to look at her as they walked toward a quick fast food place. "You're not the bitch I've heard so much about…"_

_"I have you to thank for that…I'm truly happy now, and it's because of you and no one else." Kagerou replied this time, exhaling lightly at the thought of how cruel she was, and how she used to flaunt the new materialistic things that she was given or bought. But deep on the inside she was miserable, and she wanted others to feel miserable too. When she met Yami, his Aibou Yuugi, and his friends, that really changed something on the inside of her. She wasn't the cruel, cold Hayashi Kagerou people in __Hokkaido__ knew, but she was a new person, and she felt like one as well._

_"I'm glad I could make you happy." Yami replied simply as they stopped at a street corner. He paused, noticing a rather peeved Sugoroku waiting on the other end, tapping his foot impatiently. He looked at Kagerou with an apologetic look, and silently wanted to light to stay where it was and let the cars keep going._

_But being in trouble with the old man was certainly worth it. Mou Hitori no Yuugi was in love; it may have complicated things between him and Yuugi, but his Aibou was so understanding, and Kagerou didn't keep him away from his lighter half for too long._

_"Ja, Mou Hitori no Yuugi." Kagerou finished, raising a simple hand. "See you soon?"_

_Yami nodded. "Yes, I will see you soon. Take care Dragonfly." He finished, crossing the street. The smile never left Kagerou's face at all._

_She was happy._

**End Flashback

* * *

**

"Did he come back, Kagerou?" the psychologist asked, with an almost saddened look in her eyes; her patient seemed very happy and content with this person…but now she was a complete mess. Sometimes she wanted to meet this Yami person and tell him the pain he caused because of his torn feelings.

"No…" Kagerou began. "He didn't come back…not for a while. I waited for him…I knew travel was difficult, but I didn't think he'd stop seeing me...I didn't find out anything until his friend Anzu called me..."

"What did she tell you?" the woman asked this time. Kagerou shifted again, sitting up completely. She had grown tired of lying down. Every time she lied down and closed her eyes to remember, it hurt. Her heart ached.

"She told me that Yami had found someone else…" Kagerou began. "It was this helpless girl from Kyoto. He took her in after hearing her little sob story about how she was abused and raped by some guy named Doro, and left to deal with her pregnancy on her own…"

The Therapist shifted lightly, crossing her arms for a moment; the room was air conditioned and cold and goosebumps were starting to form underneath her long sleeved shirt. She watched as Kagerou paid no mind to the temperature drop.

"What was this girl's name?" the elder woman asked this time.

"Kashii Bukasha…" Kagerou began. "She took him away from me…after she showed up…the visits stopped completely, and I was left alone…Yami never called, but Anzu kept me posted…she told me about how they had become an item at the school…and I just felt something…sink inside…at first I didn't know what it was…"

"It was the feeling of heartbreak…" The therapist replied, just knowing what that felt like; she had gone through trials and tribulations with her husband a few times before they reconciled and got married. But from the way things worked with her, this Yami fellow, and this Bukasha girl…Yami wouldn't be coming back to her, and she hated to say that to Kagerou.

There was always a faint glimmer in her eyes; it was like she always thought that Yami would come back to her.

_She always looked so miserable…_

"Yes," Kagerou began. "Heartbreak…It was like I never got the chance to make him happy on my own! She took everything away from me!"

The teenaged girl felt tears coming to her eyes. "Why couldn't I try!" she grit her teeth and her fists clenched. "He left me in Hokkaido…he left me in this unhappy life again! And for what! Some helpless twit who can't take care of herself!"

The therapist offered Kagerou some more tissue who took it without any hesitation. "I wonder how she'd feel If I stole her happiness away from her the way she did me!" Kagerou finished.

"Everyone says life is never perfect and you don't get the things they want, and that one can't obtain true happiness…Well they couldn't be more right. People don't get the things they want, life is never perfect…and you can **_never_** be truly happy in this world!"

"I may have to disagree with you Kagerou," The therapist began.

"I know…you're married with a family…and it must feel so nice to have a family to come home to…children you love…" Kagerou finished half heartedly. She lied back against the soft chair again, closing her eyes.

"I once dreamed of that…but now it seems so far off…It seems unreachable, especially after he visited me one last time…"

* * *

**Flashback**

_"Kagerou."__ Yami spoke this time, holding a single flower in his hand as he reached the small little house by the pond. The expression on his face was one that Kagerou wouldn't forget._

_Kagerou's face lit up and a smile came to it; it was that same red kimono she wore; she looked so cheerful in it when he was there._

_"Yami-san!" she spoke, hugging him semi-tightly her __midnight__ colored hair falling onto her back. "You didn't show up when Sugoroku-san came for the boxes…I waited for hours. Weren't you able to get away?" she asked, looking up at him._

_Yami bit his bottom lip for a moment and Kagerou frowned. "Don't do that." She started. "You're going to bit down too hard one time and bleed."_

_Yami didn't really say much to Kagerou. He couldn't find the right words to say to her at all._

_/Mou Hitori no Boku/ Little Yuugi's voice echoed through the mind link. /You have to tell her…/_

_I know Aibou…I know…but I… Yami spoke back. Kagerou looked up at him, stepping back._

_"Is there something wrong, Yami?" she asked, sounding a little less happy._

_"I can't see you any longer." He stated simply. For that moment Kagerou felt that everything stopped, and she wanted to depart this life; what was wrong? Did he find—?_

_"Someone else…?" Kagerou squeaked almost; never did she feel this broken hearted. Each fragment of her heart shattered, and it shattered again; over and over, like a broken record._

_Tears came to Kagerou's gold colored eyes as her bangs fell over her eyes. Yami stepped forward, reaching a hand out to move them from her face and tilt her head upward._

_"My Dragonfly…" He spoke to her. "I'm sorry it has to be like this…but I don't want to hurt you anymore. I love her."_

_Kagerou didn't choke back her sobs; she felt that there was nothing to hold back. The tears came from her eyes, spilling down her cheeks, staining the kimono._

_**I love her**… It echoed through her head._

_"Please don't cry…" Yami whispered to her. Kagerou looked into his crimson-violet colored eyes, and couldn't close her own. Her grip tightened around his waist._

_"Please don't leave me alone…" she replied this time, her voice mingled in with her sobs. "I don't want to die in this misery…"_

_Yami leaned down, pressing his lips against hers, one last time, as snow fell around them slowly hitting the floor. His hands still cupped her face gently, wiping the tears that were still falling away._

_He pulled away. "I'm sorry…Kagerou." He finished, when she slumped to her knees, looking at the snow covered floor, not caring her kimono was getting wet with the snow, almost ruining it._

_Yami turned around, walking toward the exit, leaving the flower by her side. Kagerou clutched it limply as she screamed with her eyes closed._

_"Please don't leave me here to die in this misery!" she screamed. "PLEASE!"_

_Yami paused this time from what Kagerou could see through her teary vision._

_"Ja." He spoke to her, turning around._

_"No…Please don't go!" She screamed, reaching out her empty hand. She struggled to stand up as suddenly the temperature dropped. She walked toward the rather small, deep pool of freezing water. She fell forward, accepting this…this death in such unhappiness._

_She remembered her last thoughts, sinking._

**_Please come back to me…Mou Hitori no Yuugi…_**

**_End Flashback__

* * *

_ **

The therapist sat up. "You…tried to…" she started; what had Yami done to her? Kagerou had begun to cry again, not being able to help it; at least she didn't give her therapist a hard time when asked so many questions; it wasn't necessary. Everything would be kept confidential, and no one else would know how much she was hurting inside with each passing day.

If only she had gotten the chance to say how she felt, instead of being slapped in the face with a hurricane of emotions. Sometimes she asked herself, was this revenge for being so cruel to others in the past? She never played with anyone's heart; she knew it was a rather fragile thing.

"All of the girls flocked after him," Kagerou began, looking up at the ceiling, blinking away her tears and sniffling for a moment. "Especially Anzu. I thought that at least they would be together…if it wasn't me."

"Perhaps it's because of the information that you and Anzu are very close. You told me in one of our previous sessions about her." The therapist replied, crossing a leg other the other. "She was stuck on becoming a dancer and stuck through his side through so many hard times, and you two were the first to click instantaneously."

Kagerou gave a slow nod. "Perhaps." She began. "But either way, I don't think I would've felt any hatred towards Anzu, but happiness. It was pretty obvious that we felt the same toward Yami…but…I felt something much deeper than Anzu."

"It had to be the realization that you were in love with Yami." The therapist spoke.

"Yes," Kagerou began. "I was in love with him…I realized I loved him so much…and I had gotten my chance to tell him and be happy. I jumped for it…but I fell a few inches short."

"How so?" the elder woman replied, putting a lock of her hair behind her ear; she had switched the tape long ago, and it was on the next side. Each session with the girl was pretty much in depth; but she pitied this girl so much. No one deserved to wallow in such unhappiness, and have to deal with the way the world rolls when it comes to love.

"He was torn…torn in between the two of us." Kagerou replied. "And suddenly…Buka was all that mattered to him. He hated to see her upset and sad that he was torn, and God forbid his little angel be torn…" she finished bitterly, glaring at nothing in particular.

Her hand clenched around a spare pencil and it snapped in her hand. The wood pierced her hand and splinters were the least of her worries.

"He chose her over me…because she whined and looked so sad. Because she couldn't live without him…he was her savior, her light in the darkness…What she didn't know was that he was the light in **MY** darkness! He was **MY** savior, and he meant **EVERYTHING** to me!"

Kagerou stood up completely, another round of tears showing themselves. She didn't bother to pick up another tissue, she simply refused them. The tears would come all over again, even after the session. Little by little these talks with her therapist took a weight off her shoulders, but she decided that she would forever be plagued with nothing but painful memories.

"Kagerou, we still have 15 minutes left…" The therapist began.

"I know that Natsuko-san," the midnight haired girl began. "But…I just want to go now…"

"Very well Kagerou," Natsuko began. "When do you want to schedule or next meeting?"

Kagerou looked at the calendar. "June 23rd." she replied simply, slipping on her coat. Natsuko watched as Kagerou exited her office, closing the door behind her. The woman, stopped the tape, and slipped it into its holder before putting it into her bag.

Among every one of her patients, Hayashi Kagerou was by far unhappy, and a treatment for her unhappiness seemed impossible to find.

* * *

Kagerou exited the building, buttoning up her jacket lazily. The jacket was the least of her worries, just like the weather. It always seemed so gloomy and gray; it's been that way for the past few weeks now. Her boots came against the concrete as she made her way through the crowds of people.

She stopped at the street corner, shuffling through her bag for a moment to fish out her cellular phone and call her mother to let her know that she was on her way, but it was most likely that her mother wouldn't answer. Perhaps her brother would like to know her whereabouts; he seemed like the only relative to tend to her lately.

Leaving a message, she looked up to see the light change, and her heart leapt into her throat; Yami was standing there…

* * *

_Aibou said I should end this now…I highly doubt Kagerou would even want to speak to me after everything that has gone on…I just have to close this now._ Yami thought, looking at the expression on Kagerou's face.

It looked as if she were scared to move, talk, or breathe, or she forgot how to do those things on her own.

Yami picked up his feet, feeling his stomach doing tons of flip flops. Kagerou's still form was getting closer to him, and he himself almost lost the nerve to speak.

"Wh-why are you here?" she finally managed to say.

"I came to end this…I don't want to be torn anymore." Yami replied. "Can we find some place to talk this out?"

Kagerou looked around. "I guess my house would be best…" she replied.

The Hayashi residence was a very lush and luxurious place, and had everything anyone could ask for; velvet chairs and drapes gold, silver, and countless amounts of rubies and diamonds in display cases.

"I see that your relatives are into materialistic things." Yami spoke this time, looking around.

"…What can one do with a ton of money," Kagerou began. "That's why I'm spoiled." She went into the kitchen, coming out with two cups of tea. Yami set his down as Kagerou stared into the brown liquid, the steam coming up to meet her face slowly.

"…Kagerou," Yami began.

"I've never stopped loving you." Kagerou interrupted. "I've always loved you…I didn't need any of the fancy shit you see here…All I ever wanted was your love and friendship…I thought I had it…but your little '_Tenshi_' as you like to call her stole everything from me. I never got the chance to tell you how I felt! Never! I've always wanted to thank you!"

She bit down on her bottom lip, trying to prevent crying in front of him. This made Yami frown; she never got the chance to say anything, and neither did he. He didn't want to leave, but he realized that he loved someone else and that he never closed anything with Kagerou. There was a dull aching on the inside when he thought about her.

"She always needs your help…and you give it to her…You've become her dog on her leash!" Kagerou spoke bitterly, letting her tears fall down her cheeks, and onto her skirt.

"Don't make this seem like Buka's the bad guy in all of this…" Yami began.

"I'm not trying to! I'm being damned honest! I will** never** like her, and I will **never** come to terms with someone who stole everything from me because she was **looking for pity and believes in love at first sight**! **You can't make me**!" Kagerou started. She stood up, knocking her tea over onto the floor.

"You **won't** make me!"

"Kagerou…" Yami began. "I'm not forcing you to do anything…" he stood up, facing her.

Kagerou pointed to the door. "Get out…please go…You've only bought me nothing but painful memories, and nightmares upon nightmares…I will never be happy again…" she began.

Yami shook his head. "I won't go…I never meant to bring you pain…" he took her hand.

"…I still love you…" he continued. "There's a hole within my heart…but I must close it right now. I love Buka as well…she means everything to me, but—"

Kagerou looked at him. "So then go…go back to her. You shouldn't be here—"

Yami cut her off with a soft kiss; it was something had been missing, and forgetting to do whenever he'd see her.

"She doesn't need me right now…" he finished. "Something kept telling me that I needed to see you one more time…"

Kagerou wasn't sure how it happened; one moment she was telling him to leave and go back home to her, and the next he had kissed her. One event triggered the next; one kiss became two, then three…Everything came piling onto one another at once and somehow, this felt so right, if it was only one time, and one time only.

"What are you doing…?" Kagerou began as Yami put her against the bed, leaning down to kiss her softly one more time.

Yami stopped about a few inches away from her lips. "I mean it…I love you. Hayashi Kagerou…and I will continue to love you…" he replied, kissing her again.

Kagerou closed her eyes, kissing him back slowly, letting his hands start to undo her blouse button by button.

"I'll continue to love you as well…Mou Hitori no Yuugi…" she breathed as he kissed down her neck slowly, his eyes closing softly.

Yes, cheating on someone you loved was wrong, but at the moment it couldn't be more further from the truth.

**Especially if you were torn in two.**

* * *

Kagerou was running as fast as she could, having just arrived on a late train into Domino. It was a rather Sunny June 23rd, and only one thing ran through Kagerou's mind.

I can't be late…I can't… she thought over and over as she rounded the corner.

Her location was coming into view; she could've stopped and rested just for a moment, but she was pressed for time.

"Please let Kami-sama be in my favor…" she thought, running up the steps, but stopped, hearing a voice echo through the hallways.

_"I now pronounce you Husband and Wife…"_

Kagerou froze and paled, still catching her breath; she was too late. She had realized that Yami was the only one she truly loved, and he had realized the same; he was just too caught up in his need to make Buka happy, and the only way to do that was…

"To marry her…" Kagerou whispered, still catching her breath. She heard the cheering of the crowd inside, and Kagerou couldn't move anymore, her chest hurt, her legs and arms hurt, but her heart hurt more than anything.

The large doors opened, revealing Yami standing there with his brand new bride, and Yami paled, seeing Kagerou there.

No words were exchanged for a moment as Buka could only watch them carefully. Nothing could ruin this day, not even Kagerou. She and Yami were in love and nothing would change that; why couldn't Kagerou see that?

"…Congratulations." Kagerou rasped, tears streaming down her face. Yami still didn't say anything.

If he had just waited…maybe…just maybe…he would've had a chance.

_**Fin**_

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Nero: _Told you the ending wasn't a happy one in this case. This was intended to be a one shot. Reviews are appreciated; Flames will be used to burn the pairing of Silentshipping at the stake._

_If you think you can find somewhere to continue it from, or write a sister fic to this one, say so in your review._


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